Grown Up Married Life vs. Young and Carefree/Crazy Love

Okay, so I know I've only been married for not even two years yet but I just realized something today. We are turning into a responsible, grown up, and slightly boring married couple. Our life has slowly, yet quickly become a worry-fest about everything (at least it has for me). After a busy day of rearranging my house, doing laundry, cleaning, shopping, and a quick walk to enjoy the Spring weather I realized that our life isn't quite as fun and carefree as it once was. 

I remember before Brandon and I got married that we didn't have to many worries, at least we didn't seem to care about them as much. We both didn't seem to worry about money, we didn't seem to be so consumed with work and were able to leave it worries at work. We took trips more often, didn't worry about the money because we didn't have a lot of bills and we really only had to provide for ourselves at the moment. We laughed more, and had more fun; there were even fewer serious grown-up, mature moments. We would play more with the dog. Over all it seems as if we enjoyed life more because it seemed there were less responsibilities. 

Now, this is how I see my life and what it's consumed with - laundry for 2, grocery shopping and keeping the fridge stocked so we don't spend more $$$ eating out (getting fat), work and its worries that I bring home, our back problems and the quality of our mattress, my recent spell with depression, making sure we do the deed enough to satisfy each other (lol...), finding happiness at our jobs, all the while accumulating more STUFF that we don't need, saving money for our future, not making stupid financial decisions, paying bills, car troubles, etc... I'm sure the list could go on!

Wow! That's a lot!!! It seems that majority of that wasn't present when we both were dating and dwelling in separate houses, bank accounts, and responsibilities. So now what? Well if we have kids I know it's only going to get busier, more and more worries, more and more STUFF, less and less free, fun time. 
However it's all about what you choose to do with your time and thoughts. I have to choose now to make time for fun, to enjoy these responsible grown up times, to leave those worries at home, to trust God in a completely new way. 

So to all you people out there who aren't married yet, please take my advice and enjoy these moments you have before you have to grow up. Yes, married life is wonderful, but it's not always rainbows and unicorns, it most definitely has its moments of storms and dragons. You're going to have to look harder and try harder to find the fun, carefree moments, try to keep dating your significant other. Everyone is different and you'll have your own version of grown up married life. 
I hope the best for you, God Bless! 

Confidence Turned to Insecurity

Fear, insecurities, lack of self confidence... These three words or descriptions run through my head as I read about the different kinds of fear that women of the Bible have faced. How did they overcome? How did they experience freedom from fear? How did they carry on with their lives? You and I probably face these fears of not being good enough at work, home, in friendships, and family expectations. I know for sure I face these fears. But I have recently discovered a new dimension to this fear of mine. Before I was married I felt so alive and free, so confident and sure of myself. Maybe I was too proud, maybe God decided to teach me a lesson or two about myself. This is what my single life looked like, even while dating my husband. 

I was performing well at my job. 

I was going to school part time, and had a plan to finish my 4 year degree. 

I kept busy with church functions.

I was involved with kids ministry. 

I made time for friends and fun activities. 

I was living on my own (quite proud of my cute loft apartment). 

I was financially stable all on my own. 

I liked my body image, satisfied with my weight. 

I made time every morning to read my bible and pray. 

I had it made, right?! Well my perfect world was about to change, drastically! I got married and decided to move away from my perfect world, while somehow still believing it would remain. To my surprise it didn't. Here is what it looked like just a few short months after getting married. 

I was jobless and so was my husband. 

I was still planning to do school part time. 

I wasn't involved with church functions. 

I didn't spend time with friends near as much. 

I was living in my grandmothers basement with my new husband. 

I was not financially stable because we didn't have jobs. 

I wasn't paying attention to my body image, but slowly saw the weight coming on as our marriage continued. 

I struggle to open my bible and pray each morning.

 

This is a very different picture than before. Now you can see why I feel like my world has come crashing down. I am not that confident, care free young woman I once was. The weight and fear has clouded my view of who I am and who God created me to be. I now live in a reality that is about pleasing myself and caring less about anyone else. I am afraid to invest in friendships because it takes me out of this little comfort box I have built since my perfect world was ripped from my hands by ME! Yes, I said me. My world changed because it was my choice. I have struggled to get involved with church because being married opens a whole new box of insecurities and confessions to reveal or conceal. I have a fear of doing this whole marriage thing wrong, making a fool of myself, having someone point a finger and say "I told you so," and then my not so perfect world comes crashing down once again. The little bit of normalcy and comfort I have tried to create suddenly is taken from me yet again. 

So what do I do now? How do I move forward and create a new kind of world for myself? How do I get back my confidence and fearless attitude? Where do I begin? One thing I do know is that my self confidence in my married life will always look very different than the kind of self confidence I had in my singleness.