Grown Up Married Life vs. Young and Carefree/Crazy Love

Okay, so I know I've only been married for not even two years yet but I just realized something today. We are turning into a responsible, grown up, and slightly boring married couple. Our life has slowly, yet quickly become a worry-fest about everything (at least it has for me). After a busy day of rearranging my house, doing laundry, cleaning, shopping, and a quick walk to enjoy the Spring weather I realized that our life isn't quite as fun and carefree as it once was. 

I remember before Brandon and I got married that we didn't have to many worries, at least we didn't seem to care about them as much. We both didn't seem to worry about money, we didn't seem to be so consumed with work and were able to leave it worries at work. We took trips more often, didn't worry about the money because we didn't have a lot of bills and we really only had to provide for ourselves at the moment. We laughed more, and had more fun; there were even fewer serious grown-up, mature moments. We would play more with the dog. Over all it seems as if we enjoyed life more because it seemed there were less responsibilities. 

Now, this is how I see my life and what it's consumed with - laundry for 2, grocery shopping and keeping the fridge stocked so we don't spend more $$$ eating out (getting fat), work and its worries that I bring home, our back problems and the quality of our mattress, my recent spell with depression, making sure we do the deed enough to satisfy each other (lol...), finding happiness at our jobs, all the while accumulating more STUFF that we don't need, saving money for our future, not making stupid financial decisions, paying bills, car troubles, etc... I'm sure the list could go on!

Wow! That's a lot!!! It seems that majority of that wasn't present when we both were dating and dwelling in separate houses, bank accounts, and responsibilities. So now what? Well if we have kids I know it's only going to get busier, more and more worries, more and more STUFF, less and less free, fun time. 
However it's all about what you choose to do with your time and thoughts. I have to choose now to make time for fun, to enjoy these responsible grown up times, to leave those worries at home, to trust God in a completely new way. 

So to all you people out there who aren't married yet, please take my advice and enjoy these moments you have before you have to grow up. Yes, married life is wonderful, but it's not always rainbows and unicorns, it most definitely has its moments of storms and dragons. You're going to have to look harder and try harder to find the fun, carefree moments, try to keep dating your significant other. Everyone is different and you'll have your own version of grown up married life. 
I hope the best for you, God Bless! 

Confidence Turned to Insecurity

Fear, insecurities, lack of self confidence... These three words or descriptions run through my head as I read about the different kinds of fear that women of the Bible have faced. How did they overcome? How did they experience freedom from fear? How did they carry on with their lives? You and I probably face these fears of not being good enough at work, home, in friendships, and family expectations. I know for sure I face these fears. But I have recently discovered a new dimension to this fear of mine. Before I was married I felt so alive and free, so confident and sure of myself. Maybe I was too proud, maybe God decided to teach me a lesson or two about myself. This is what my single life looked like, even while dating my husband. 

I was performing well at my job. 

I was going to school part time, and had a plan to finish my 4 year degree. 

I kept busy with church functions.

I was involved with kids ministry. 

I made time for friends and fun activities. 

I was living on my own (quite proud of my cute loft apartment). 

I was financially stable all on my own. 

I liked my body image, satisfied with my weight. 

I made time every morning to read my bible and pray. 

I had it made, right?! Well my perfect world was about to change, drastically! I got married and decided to move away from my perfect world, while somehow still believing it would remain. To my surprise it didn't. Here is what it looked like just a few short months after getting married. 

I was jobless and so was my husband. 

I was still planning to do school part time. 

I wasn't involved with church functions. 

I didn't spend time with friends near as much. 

I was living in my grandmothers basement with my new husband. 

I was not financially stable because we didn't have jobs. 

I wasn't paying attention to my body image, but slowly saw the weight coming on as our marriage continued. 

I struggle to open my bible and pray each morning.

 

This is a very different picture than before. Now you can see why I feel like my world has come crashing down. I am not that confident, care free young woman I once was. The weight and fear has clouded my view of who I am and who God created me to be. I now live in a reality that is about pleasing myself and caring less about anyone else. I am afraid to invest in friendships because it takes me out of this little comfort box I have built since my perfect world was ripped from my hands by ME! Yes, I said me. My world changed because it was my choice. I have struggled to get involved with church because being married opens a whole new box of insecurities and confessions to reveal or conceal. I have a fear of doing this whole marriage thing wrong, making a fool of myself, having someone point a finger and say "I told you so," and then my not so perfect world comes crashing down once again. The little bit of normalcy and comfort I have tried to create suddenly is taken from me yet again. 

So what do I do now? How do I move forward and create a new kind of world for myself? How do I get back my confidence and fearless attitude? Where do I begin? One thing I do know is that my self confidence in my married life will always look very different than the kind of self confidence I had in my singleness. 

Half Awake, Negative, and a Sinner

I'm reading a book called Letting Go of Perfect by Amy Spiegel. At the end of one of the chapters it reads this...

"On the road I travel, I have been given all I need and then some. I am well- supplied and heading in the right direction. But too often I fail to stop to refuel. I get distracted by all the activity around me and forget that I am running on grace, on borrowed fuel which must be replenished from its only source. I don’t take advantage of that which has been provided for me and try to make it on my own. Though I profess to know my dependence, I act as if I can make it on my own. “I can squeeze another mile or two out of this tank. I can make it another day or two without praying, without having read my Bible, without confessing my utter need for Him.” But eventually I run out of steam, sheer willpower counts for little and I am left stranded. Even then He is faithful to rescue, give me a lift and a refill. If only I will surrender."

I'm pretty sure she is describing me in this paragraph. I have been having the hardest time staying focused on the One thing that keeps my world spinning. My focus has been trying to stay focused on the wrong thing, myself. I often find myself pushing my Bible aside, or seeing it out of the corner of my half opened eye so early in the morning, then saying to myself "you'll be fine without it today, do something that "stimulates" your mind more." 

I don't know if you see it but there is a huge lie in that statement. Actually two lies. I am usually not fine with out reading my Bible and praying. Something seems to always go wrong or I have a negative attitude all day at work. This negativity usually results in participating in the latest gossip about a co-worker, complaining about someone or something, or having a lack of motivation to perform my very best at my job. On really bad days all three of those happen. 

The second lie is about finding something "more" stimulating to do in the morning. Nothing should be more stimulating than being renewed and refreshed by digging into your Heavenly Fathers love letter and manual for life. This should be what keeps me going, what gives me energy and drive to tackle my day and all that it brings. And it can only do that by making the choice to sit down, pick it up and read His word! 

Now you many be asking "if it's so great then why don't I just choose it every morning over facebook, the news, sleeping and extra 30mins, or a game on my iPad?" Well here is your answer and probably the same answer that you would have too... I am sinful, I am a human being and we were created sinners. Satan will use any and every tactic to distract us from growing closer in our relationship with Jesus Christ. Our sinful nature finds so many shortcuts and temporary answers that bring us temporary satisfaction. This all leads back to His grace. When we surrender and confess that we are sinners, and can't make it on our own through this life He gives us grace, forgives our sins (past, present, and future), and gives us the Bible to help find our way or His way for us, the path He has planned. His plans are always so much better than my own. 

Even day after day of ignoring my Bible and praying, He still loves me and welcomes me into His arms! He'll do the same for you! 

Black Friday Part 2

Last year I wrote about Black Friday and all that it brings and takes away. This time I have something different to say. 

I did not stay up late, stand in line during early hours of the morning, spend huge amounts on things I didn't need, and I didn't go to bed feeling guilty. I did however shop at Goodwill and got a heck of a deal on frames: 4/$7.50. It was a great feeling knowing that I bought something that I can recycle and recreate into something better, plus for such a cheap price! 

This year I am trying to have a more simple outlook on the Christmas season. Christmas has become so much about spending money, who is buying the best present, hoping your family is satisfied with the gift you chose, and are we dressed to impress. I am going to try my best to the make most of my gifts this year, recycle and make sure they are used and enjoyed instead of used, abused, and thrown away and neglected by December 26th. 

Yes, I am partly doing a simpler Christmas because my husband and I just finished the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University. We are trying to pay off debt quickly by pinching pennies. But as we discussed what we wanted to spend on Christmas presents we even considered not getting presents for each other. This would allow us to spend a little more on the ones we love. Spending less on Christmas has brought a peace to my heart, I don't feel near as stressed about impressing. The only thing I'm slightly stressed about is hoping that my homemade gifts don't turn out to be a complete disaster! 

So now I encourage you to shop at Goodwill and see what you can recreate and re-gift. May you discover a less-stressed version of yourself and remember the true meaning of Christmas is keeping Christ in Christmas! Celebrating the birth of our Savior!  

Love Covers

As I'm sitting at the kitchen table doing some morning time with The Lord, I have pandora playing and my bible open. A song comes on by Sara Groves - When It Was Over. In this song there is a verse that reads from scripture in 1 Peter 4:8 - " love covers a multitude of sins." 

As I ponder this verse, I can't but help to think that this is our one instruction, we'll one of the most important. The Lord, Almighty God has called us as his children to love one another above all other things. To love as he has loved us. Believe me I know this isn't easy, I know first hand how hard it is to love those who have wronged us. The last thing we want to do is show them compassion, grace, sympathy, and mercy. I usually want to punch them in the face and never speak to them again. 

But as chosen ones of Christ we are called to go beyond our human, worldly natures to love everyone, even our enemies. What, even our enemies?! Yes... Those people too! In that love we are to forgive, it might take some time to reach complete forgiveness but that's what we are suppose to do becaus The Lord forgives every single one of our sins that we commit against him. He still chooses to love us, bless us, show mercy, grace, compassion, and use us to bring others to his unfailing love. 

So I am called to love even when my heart has been wounded, I chose to love because I have made a promise and commitment to The Lord above that I chose to obey him and love in his people. It's not easy but it's a choice that sometimes has to be made everyday when I wake up or even every moment in my day. 

1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 

One year later

It's been a while since I last wrote. A lot has taken place this past year. Shortly after my last post The Lord has sure changed my life. I'm no longer living on my own, I have a new job, different car, new friends but also still the old, and my walk with The Lord now looks completely different. 

In the last year I became a girlfriend, fiancé, and wife to the man of my dreams. So totally unexpected and scary at times. It was all clearly The Lord and I went with his plan completely acting on faith. When I imagined myself getting married I never throught it would be with in 5 months of dating someone, I knew it would be fast but not that fast. Here is a break down by date what took place... 

12/31/12 - start of dating relationship

3/9/13 - proposal

5/31/13 - wedding day

Yes exactly 5 months. And today is exactly a year later. 

What a whirlwind of a year and I wouldn't trade it for anything else because it's my story and it's unlike anyone else's. And I love my husband because he loves me for who I am. Now along with this role of being a wife comes a great responsibility, my entire spiritual life has changed and it takes me more work to stay on track. Satan sure hates marriage and has tried hard to destroy ours. To be a Godly wife takes total, and I mean complete, 100% sacrifice to love, respect, trust, and support your husband. Also you have to maintain your own connection to The Lord and encourage his spiritual connection as well. You also have to grow spiritually together. Among all of this I have had my dry spells and very trying moments. When we both are not seeking The Lord together and separately it wears on our marriage. We are making progress and moving forward, all by the grace of God and his power of the Holy Spirit inside of us. 

So now as I return to writing more frequently I hope you enjoy and are encouraged by what's on my heart and mind. God bless and happy new year!!!

Where Is Your Mission Field?

“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19

And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.” Mark 16:15

These two verses talk about going into all the nations, into all the world teaching and proclaiming the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The first thing I think of is Missions. When I first hear the word missions I think about traveling to other countries, besides the United States, and serving, teaching and proclaiming the name of Jesus Christ. My mind doesn’t think about right here, where I currently am. When I see the word “Go” I think I must actually leave and be sent somewhere different from where I currently am.

Yesterday the Lord brought to my mind a realization that this isn’t exactly what he meant, he didn’t say that we had to wait to be sent on a trip or given the opportunity to go somewhere exotic, completely different than our usual state. He has already sent me. I am already in the place he wants me. Yes… right here in Billings Montana. He has placed and sent me here for a reason, this is my mission field. Well, rather His mission field, I am just His servant to be used for His glory.

I’ve never been on a mission trip out of the country, I’ve had many opportunities but it’s just never worked out just right for me to go. Discouragement and questioning God filled my heart and mind, why He wasn’t allowed me to go on these mission trips? Now I see it, it’s clear!!! He doesn’t want me on those trips because His purpose and mission for me is right here in Billings Montana. He has placed me here for a specific reason, to reach one person or many.

Even though I’ve never been on a mission trip out of the country I have no doubt that it gets you out of your comfort zone and makes you appreciate the United States. I know it’s a challenge to learn a new language, communicate and live in a completely different culture; but the same is true here. Sharing my faith here is just as much of a challenge and a leap out of my comfort zone as it would be in a different country. Each person you come in contact with is from a different “culture” they have a very different way of living than you, especially here in the United States, we are very multicultural.

So if you are like me and you’ve never been on a mission trip out of the country, stop and ask God if your mission field is right here. Maybe it’s your work place, maybe it’s your neighbors, maybe it’s your own family, I don’t know but God does. He might be sending you to right where you already are. 

Me, Myself and the Lord!

It’s been two months that I’ve been living on my own now and the Lord has sure taught me many things these two months. People have asked “how to do you like your new place? Is it lonely by yourself?” And I answer “no it’s not.”  There is a peace and comfort here. I enjoy the quiet. It sure has given me more time for the Lord – though I still get distracted and find excuses for avoiding him. Funny how I do get distracted in this tiny apartment without cable TV, limited space and no other human beings.

Being “alone” here sure has helped me to rely on the Lord more. I find that in this stage of my life of singleness – not just without a significant other but without roommates as well – I am forced to turn to the Lord more often. When I come home there isn’t anyone to vent to, it’s simply me, myself and the Lord. Of course I can always make a phone call to a close, trusted friend but they aren’t always sitting by their phone waiting for the phone to ring to listen to a dear friend vent and unload; not all of them are single, they have kids, spouses, and family to attend too.

I’m not trying to make this sound like a pity party on myself, I’m trying to point out that I’ve been learning how to trust the Lord more, engage in prayer and conversation with him, read his word, study it and share it. He desires for me to come to him first after a long day at work and full of busyness. He seeks me out and he LOVES it when I seek him out.

Here are some other things I’ve enjoyed about my new place… decorating, purchasing fun things and doing some firsts! My 1st Christmas tree, cooking my kitchen and now a new friend/pet/humidifier - soon to be named - in honor of Becky!  

Black Friday Guilt

Crowds, money, late nights and early mornings, everything from down comforters to Little People toys to power tools and HD TV’s; O the joys of Black Friday!!! First I’ll say I’m guilty of participating in these festivities. However that’s just it, the word GUILTY comes to mind. As I laid my head on my pillow last night all I felt was guilt…. I spent too much money, bought things I didn't need. By need I mean that I’ll survive without them. Yes I saved a truck load of money but I also spent money. It’s on this day of the year that we get a glimpse of how materialistic and greedy our society is today.

As I said earlier, I’m not perfect; I also participated in this shopping extravaganza. Yes I bought for myself and for others. That’s how we show love in our society. Growing up that’s how I was shown love by buying items. So will we ever learn a different way of showing love? Will we ever be able to simply spend time, quality time with each other? Without giving gifts, spending money, watching TV for endless hours, but simply sitting around the table enjoying each other’s company over conversations and perhaps the old fashioned card games. Let’s enjoy a meal together without bitterness and resentment of who spend the most money and time preparing the meal, without a rush, without frustration and discontent. I’m talking the whole family participating, doing their share selflessly.

Yes I’m asking to turn off the football game, put away the cell phones and invest in the lives of others around you. Maybe even people you haven’t seen a long time. Also relax, don’t be in a hurry, rest, enjoy the time with your family and of course the time off from work. I give you permission to watch a little TV but also don’t forget to spend a little time with the Lord, dig in His word. Invest in Him, the one who gives life, who provides the job that puts food on your table. Remember that without Him we are nothing, we wouldn't be here on earth. He gave His Son to suffer and die for our sins (even the greed we show on Black Friday). If anyone deserves our undivided attention it’s Him!

Lord, I confess my sins of greed and selfishness. Please forgive me for not putting you first and getting frustrated about the things that didn't go my way this holiday. Please help me to change my ways and see things in your way. Help me to act in obedience to where you’re leading me. Thank you for your many blessings of a job, place to live and the company of your people here. Thank you for your word and the unfailing love, mercy and grace that you continue to show me after the many times I've screwed up! I pray this in your Holy and Mighty name Amen! 

A "New" Purpose

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12

A few months ago the Lord placed something heavy on my heart. My desire to serve was still in place but I was unsure if he still wanted me in my present place of service. I knew he had a purpose yet the look of that purpose needed to change and would change in some shape or form. Some time down the journey of prayer and search the Lord hadn't revealed to me what that purpose would look like just yet. I pursued some opportunities, prayed about them, sought after them and they didn't lead anywhere. Of course discouragement swept over me and I continued on with my daily/weekly routine. I had HOPE that he would reveal to me where this new change was; I really wanted sooner rather than later. So I continued to pray!

“And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive if you have faith.” Matthew 21:22

“pray without ceasing,” 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Praying and waiting on the Lord kept going for a few months. Nothing seemed to happen until one day he placed the opportunity in my heart. It moved to my head so I prayed some more and sought some guidance from my mentor. She had agreed and said “Go for it!”.

Now I’ll be taking a leap of faith and following his lead with obedience. I've been given the opportunity to completely move from one kid’s ministry… are you ready for things?!... to another kids’ ministry. When the idea of changing my purpose for Christ had come to mind months ago I had thought it wouldn't involve kids’ ministry anymore. I had wanted to explore other ages and types of ministry, even outside of the church. However, the Lord had other things in mind.

Clearly he is still leading me to work with kids; that part is the same. However there are some other changes, which are completely new to me. I’ll be working with a completely new group of people that I don’t know very well. Also it’s a part of a church plant, which is something I've never experienced. I am very excited about this new adventure. It’s a wonderful feeling to finally see where God has been leading me, to accept his call and go! I’m excited about the new people I’ll get to meet and minister to. I’m ready for this “new” purpose!

“The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them.” Psalm 145:18-19

My point here is to say that the Lord is faithful to fulfill his promises when we are faithful to trust him, follow his lead and hold on to him through it all. Through all the time of the unknown and discouragement I knew, had hope and faith that he would reveal the purpose to me. And he sure did! 

Keeping Focused On Your Purpose

Jesus had incredible purpose! He never let that out of his sight. He always had the goal in his mind of serving the Father.

As I reflect on my weekend away at a retreat where we learned about the wilderness (Luke 4) and how the Lord was tempted, I am reminded of my wilderness times, those times that I may have lost my focus of who I was serving, and forgot what my incredible purpose was all about. As a human the decision to choose self over others is always a temptation. When I (we) face the times of wilderness and temptation is my (our) focus always on Christ? Who am I serving? What’s my purpose as his daughter, chosen by him?

I’m sure that we all question in our wilderness times what the purpose is. We probably ask ourselves and others “what is the point? I don’t understand why this is happening to me. Not right now, worst timing ever!” Well here is some good news; God always has a purpose in that time of wilderness. He will use it to grow and teach you new things, if you allow him.

In Luke 4 verse 1 it says that Jesus was full of the Holy Spirit. I believe this is was kept him focused, having he Holy Spirit fill him, be alive and active inside him was what kept him on track and able to withstand against temptation. Satan tried so hard to trick and confuse him but Jesus the Lord almighty is powerful, more powerful that all things. Satan can’t stand against him, can’t make him bow down.

So what does that mean for you and me? We are to be filled with the Holy Spirit. How do we do that? There are a few choices that will need to be made.

1.      Choose to say NO to sin. Flee from it. And take it seriously when it does come up.

2.      Have more of Christ in your life. By this I mean a relationship. It’s not something that just happens; you must work at it daily. Be in his word, fellowship with other believers, walk in obedience, choosing him over the worldly things.

3.      The fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) Live by these.

4.      Reconciliation of relationships. Go to those whom you have conflict with, restore and forgive them. Show them grace and mercy just as Jesus showed us through his sacrifice. 

Moving "Up"

A new chapter has developed in my life over the past few weeks. In reference to Moving "Up" I know live in a new apartment that is a "loft". So I am moving up in life literally. I love my new home! It's all to myself and so wonderful to feel like a "grown-up" with more responsibilities and to do life for me. I know that may sound selfish but I don't mean it that way. My life still belongs completely to the Lord, he is the one who is in charge. I wouldn't have been able to reach this new chapter without him. All the glory goes to him, he is the one who has blessed me with this opportunity. I am not worthy of this gift yet he still chooses to give it. Just like his grace, be blesses me with forgiveness and love when I don't even offer him my firstfruits.

As life continues I'm enjoying this time off from school, not quite ready to get back to it. A lot has taken place so far this Fall, and it's only half over. Let's see what he'll do in the next few months.

Halfway There!

There IT is! Finally accomplished this portion of my college career. Thanks to all who have helped me in many ways, big and small. 

All glory and praise to the Lord for giving me the perseverance and strength to push through and reach my goal.  He is always faithful, His love is unfailing, and He never gives up on me! I am so thankful and blessed to have His love and to have someone who constantly cares for me. 

Now on to the next chapter. In the Spring I am hoping to start working towards my Bachelor's Degree. We'll see where the Lord leads me. I'm excited to get started and see what He does with this semester off and who will come next year. I'm ready to DIVE in head first! Let's go! 

It's half finish...

I'm beginning to see that light at the end of the tunnel, school is finally falling into place and the end is near... well sort of!

As I close one chapter of my college career it's such a relief yet I see this huge mountain ahead of me to overcome the next phase. There are so many people that have shared in this journey for me to reach my goal. My family has been a huge. Even though they don't have a clue about how the whole college process goes they've been there to listen to me complain and get excited about all this college "stuff". They have helped me financially as well. My friends have been a huge support (sometimes a distraction too). They have taken the time to tutor me, be patient with me, understand the demands, encourage, and volunteer their time to hear my speak. I am ever so grateful for all of this!

Now I ask the same of you all! Please do the same for this next phase. Please be in prayer for my dedication and perseverance to grow and continue. It's the last half and it might be the most challenging.

Also I am very thankful for my Heavenly Father and the strength He has given me to press on through it all. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for Him guiding my path through this life. He has carried me through the hardest moments and blessed me with some of the sweetest moments.

He is now leading me to take a long-deep breath this semester. I've been in constant school year round since Fall of 2010, it's time for a break. I need to refocus and let classes fall into place. A few months off shouldn't hurt to badly. This semester is to focus on me, my walk with Him, growing and preparing for the next chapter of school. Also I'm going to focus in new ministries and opportunities to serve Him more wholeheartedly!

Even in the midst of the stress of these final few weeks of preparation "he will quiet me by his love" (Zeph. 3:17b), "to guide our feet into the way of peace" (Luke 1:79b), "to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul, O my God, in you I trust." (Psalm 25:1,2a). His love quiets my soul, He gives me peace as I allow him to guide my footsteps and I trust in His ways.

Experiencing Healing

Experiencing healing is a wonderful feeling. The Lord is still working on my healing process. I've reached a new point that has caused some great amounts of faith, growth and trust. I must choose to take the leap of faith and trust His plan for me and His instructions for the call of obedience.

1 Corinthians 2:9 - But it is written "what no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him (and wait for him - Isaiah 64:4)."

The Lord is calling me to things I never thought would happen. But I believe that because of the Holy Spirit living inside me I have the ability to accept and walk in obedience to do what He's called me to do.

Miracle by Sara Groves
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
Quiet our hearts for a little while

Things have been spoken
Shouldn't be said
Rattles around in our hearts and our heads

Let's feel what we cannot feel
Know what we cannot know
Let’s heal where we couldn't heal
Oh, it's a miracle, it's a miracle

Things have been spoken
Shouldn't be said
Rattles around in our hearts and our heads

Let's feel what we cannot feel
Know what we cannot know
Let’s heal where we couldn't heal
Oh, it’s a miracle, love is a miracle

Let's feel what we cannot feel
Know what we cannot know
Let’s heal where we couldn't heal
Oh, it's a miracle

Let's say what we cannot say
Let’s see what we cannot not see
Let’s hear what we could not hear
Oh it’s a mystery, love is a mystery
Oh it's a miracle, it's a miracle
Let's be a miracle

Forgiving

I know it's something we all struggle with. Don't tell me you're perfect because you're not, none of us are!!! In God's eyes He sees us as clean and holy and pure, but I am not perfect. I'm trying to grow and do what God asks me to do but it sure isn't easy. A huge struggle for me has been forgiveness. I just can't seem to forgive. There is this dark cloud always hanging over me, sometimes the sun comes out and I have a great jot and then there are moments when it just completely clouds me in, sucking the joy and contentment from my heart. I know it's because I can't forgive. I'm not sure how to do it, and it's a choice I have to choose daily and even moment by moment.

This song by Matthew West is perfect, the chorus especially. I desperately need the Lord to show me how to love this person, how to forgive this person. I need to be set free from it and I don't really know how to reach that point of freedom. My mind can't comprehend how this could be possible for me, as a human, to forgive. Scripture says that God does the impossible and unimaginable, so Lord I need you do this, what seems impossible to me. Please give me the ability to know how and do the forgiving that needs to be done.

FORGIVENESS
Artist: MATTHEW WEST.
Album: Into the Light

It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always go to those who don’t deserve
It’s the opposite of how you feel
When they pain they caused is just too real
Takes everything you have to say the word
Forgiveness, forgiveness

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It’s always angers own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It’s the whisper in your ear saying set it free
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Forgiveness, forgiveness

Show me how
To love the unlovable
Show me how
To reach the unreachable
Help me now
To do the impossible
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Help me now
To do the impossible
Forgiveness

It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what its power can do
So let it go and be amazed by what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Forgiveness, forgiveness
Oh, forgiveness, forgiveness

I want finally set it free
Show me how
To see what Your mercy sees
Help me now
To give what You gave to me
Forgiveness

Blessings in Change

Well here is something completely new in my life. You know when the Lord decides to take action in your life and take you in the opposite direction then you thought... well that's happened to me this week.

At work I had planned or decided a few months ago that I wanted to move around into the different age groups and classrooms to get experience with all ages for my future career. I communicated this desire to my boss and she said she would keep her eye open for the right position for me to go next. On Monday of this week she pulled me into her office and offered me a different position. She asked me to stay where I currently am working, with the infants. She felt that I was doing an awesome job and offered me the position of Lead Teacher. Totally unexpected since I was looking at moving out of this room. Now my boss wants me to stay and she sees me as a strong person and capable of holding this room together and improving it in the future.

I didn't think this was the direction the Lord was taking me. But apparently it is! There are some big changes taking place, it's more responsibility for me and it also challenges me to step up my efforts and professionalism. With two new employee's coming in, I have to set a good example of how to do this job yet also adjust myself from the old comfort level to these two new co-workers.

So here I go! Jumping in head first, trying new things, praying for the Lord's guidance in this new adventure. May he be the one that shines! Lord, you are so wonderful and worthy of praise. You have blessed me with this new opportunity to grow in my work place and to better impact my co-workers and families that I'm involved with on a daily basis. Please be the one that goes before me, help me to put myself aside and allow your hands to work through me. May I be able to run to you in those stressful moments and seek out what you would do. And to rejoice and give you the glory in the good moments. Show me how to handle situations and most importantly to trust you more and more! Show me how to embrace these new changes and find patience to let the little things work themselves out. Thank you again for these changes and doing your will not mine! I pray all this in your name, Amen!

Obedience: A constant lesson we'll have to learn

I've been reading/doing a study book called 30 Life Principles by Charles F. Stanley. A friend of mine recommended it and WOW has it been a good one! It's been challenging me in so many ways. The first few lessons are about obedience to the Lord. So much of it has been about God's purpose for each of his children and how our plans don't always match up to his plan.

Just the other day I went over lesson 7, here's how it started... The dark moments of our life will last only so long as is necessary for God to accomplish His purpose in us. 1 Samuel 30:1-6 - in this passage David has faced some very difficult circumstances in life, his kingdom and family has been destroyed and taken from him. People were turning against him, placing the blame on him. In verse 6 it says "But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God".

There will always be new trials to endure, there will always be times that are difficult and cause us distress. But God is ALWAYS good! I've been really struggling this year with trials and it's a daily battle for me to keep focused on the Lord and the many blessings he's given me. It's been hard to be obedient to what he's asking me to do, actions to take in my job, ways I need to treat my co-workers and myself too. He's given me plenty of opportunities to be obedient to him, yet I still have chosen to do it my way.

A pastor at my church has been preaching a lot about obedience and just recently about doubting God. Our obedience to God is so necessary, complete and total obedience. If we choose to only obey God half way then it's still not obedience to him. As Christians we like to only do what we feel like or want to do... how many times have you only cleaned the bathroom partially or halfway cleaned up after yourself to leave the rest for someone else to clean. How about serving at church, you say to your pastor you're going to help in kids ministry, yet everytime they call for your help you say you're busy or out of town. Or helping a friend with a favor they asked, have you ever said "sure I'd love to help" but then never followed through with your promise. Wait... here's a good one, how about the Lord specifically asks you to go sit by that lonely person and invite them to your next BBQ. But you only partially obey by saying hello but you don't sit by them or invite them to your BBQ.

So why do we respond in disobedience so often? Well my answer to that is doubt and fear. Many times we doubt ourselves and we doubt that God is really going to bless us or he has the ability to use us in someone else's life. Fear is huge! For me I'm so afraid I'll say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, be rejected and it ends up being a displeasing thing to the Lord. Here's the reality, the Lord will never ask us to do anything that he doesn't give the strength to do (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). He has given us the Holy Spirit, our Helper (John 14:15-31) for us to call upon for strength, just like David did. He needed to remind himself of the mighty power of the God he served.

Sometimes we need to take a minute or 2 or 30 to remind us who we serve, the mighty, all powerful God over all things. So please don't forget to take time each day to read his word and give yourself a reminder!

Broken Promises

As I'm sitting here at my desk, casually working on my homework my heart is full of brokenness. The feeling of broken promises comes to mind. My heart is so tired of being let down and forgotten. I'm sure everyone can relate to having a promise broken at some point in their life.

It breaks my heart everytime it happens. But lately it's been reminding me of the feeling that our Heavenly Father must feel when we break our promises to him. Even the simple ones like having a daily quiet time with him, how many times do you skip it or say "I'll get to it later", and then never call on him?! Guilty! I've done it. If I feel so much hurt and heartache when a friend breaks a promise or doesn't meet up with me when they said they would, then think about how much greater that heartache and hurt is for our God.

In 2 Corinthians 1:12-22 Paul talks about how the Lord's response is always a definite YES or a definite NO. It's not a maybe. He is clear with his responses. He doesn't break his promises, he holds to his Yes's and his No's. He is our guarantee!

So as for relying on and trusting in the people of this world I would say guard your heart. People are going to break promises and let you down. Show them grace and forgiveness just as Jesus has shown us, over and over again! It's not always easy, but go to him in prayer and ask for his help. I've had to do that, especially lately. So please do your best to keep your promises, keep your word, be faithful to others and most importantly to our Heavenly Father. He desires our faithfulness to Him and to others.

One Way

The other night the pastor of the Bible study I attend was giving a sermon on John 14:6 - Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

He, meaning Jesus, truely is the ONLY way to Heaven. He has given the world a life full of abundance. There are not many different ways to get into Heaven, it has been made very clear and simple. One way! John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

By simply believing in Jesus Christ we can have eternal life, life with him for all eternity in Heaven. We can't attain that life through works (2 Timothy 1:9; Titus 3:5; Galatians 2:16) We can't attain this eternal life one our own, we must accept Jesus as our Savior. There are not multiple ways of getting to Heaven, there is only one simple thing to do, simple admit you're a sinner, believe that Jesus is the one true God, accept his grace and mercy, and commit your life to living by His word.