Sisters

This one is all about my sisters, the girls who help keep me focused. The Lord has blessed me with an amazing support system and I can always count on them to lift me up when I'm down. Without these women in my life and the inspiration they have been over the last couple years I probably wouldn't be the woman I am today. They have seen me through ups and downs, sorrows and rejoicing, heartache and excitement.

I am so blessed to be able to rejoice with them, celebrate how wonderful our God is. Especially in those moments of heartache they were right there, a phone call away. Always opening their home, sending a card, and giving a hug! And they have always said they would have my back if anyone tried to hurt me... haha! They all are true followers of Christ. They don't abandon me, they don't judge me. Instead they embrace my mistakes, help me overcome them and get back on the right road.

So here they are... CELEBRATING the Godly women in my life.

I'll Be Honest

To be completely honest I can feel discouragement creeping up on me. The feeling that things aren't going my way and I don't understand why. Wanting to question everything, throw a fit and ask God 'why?'. Maybe this discouragement is trying to over take me because of the Easter season and the changes that I've chosen to make in my life.

Looking back a few months ago I see a huge trial that I was so afraid to face, I looked for any way around it, to not have to go through it. So many difficult situations were being thrown at my face, and everytime I had to question why. Doubt was taking over and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. There wasn't much hope inside me that I would make it out alive. With the encouragement and support of so many wonderful brothers and sisters, and the love of my Heavenly Father I have overcome a huge part of it, I can see the end in sight (it's definitely not over though). But yesterday was one of those days that I began to not see things in God's eyes again. Hopefully today won't be that way.

There are some fears that are lingering in my mind and heart. Fear of how other people see me, those that don't know the details of my trial and don't see the change that the Lord is doing in me. Especially a particular person, how do they see me? Do they talk about me to others? What do they say about me? Good or bad things? Why do they show actions of not caring? I truly just want people to see Christ in me. If I could explain the situation to everyone and they would see God's hand in all of it. I don't want to be stuck in this fear, I am trying to seek after God's approval and how He values me. And His approval is the only one that matters. It's not an easy thing to do.

Another One of Those Days

Today is another one of those days when I would love to just find a big table, spread out my bible, notebooks, etc. and spend the day studying His word. I also would enjoy a large cup of coffee and a friend to chat about how AMAZING our God is!

Praise music playing in the background I'm putting off getting ready for work. But I must remember that I have to put action to what God says. He says to live a life in service to others. So many times I go through my day and forget to remember who He is and that I'm His disciple, He has called me to lead people to Him. It seems like I don't remember unless there is praise music playing... if only I could have my ipod in my ear at work. It shouldn't matter, I should have His word memorized and always playing in my head. I'm so horrible at memorizing the scriptures. I do find myself in little moments of each day praying, to speak short prayers about people that come to mind. I know I can't just begin a long, drawn out prayer in detail about them, but I can simply say "Lord bless them today." The Lord knows my heart and He knows exactly what's going through their hearts as well.

So even though I would love to just spend the day walking with Jesus, I still can spend my day with Him. If I make a conscious effort to serve others with a smile, speak short prayers for those that come to mind, and quote scripture through out my day I can still spend my day with Him. He is always with me so why not acknowledge that He is. 

A Changed Life

Check out today's devo from Proverbs31 Ministries! Pardon Me by T. Suzanne Eller

I can't really add anything to it. I hope you take it as it is. The verses mentioned are so powerful and put into simple words whats been on my heart. I want to be a changed person. I don't want to hide my sinfulness, I want to show it to God and ask for His forgiveness. I don't want to go deeper in the mud, I desire for Him to pull me out of this pit, to give me victory. He gets ALL the GLORY! Not because of me, but because of the strength He has put in me by His Holy Spirit living inside my soul. I want everyone to see the power Christ has to turn your life around, to put your feet back on the right path, to free you from your sin and He will never break promises!

This doesn't mean I won't ever face trials and my life will be perfect from now on... NO WAY! John 16:33 says "...In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." We will face trials but we must have courage to face those trials. As for the Lord to prepare our hearts, to strength us. I have to do this daily, I have to make it a habit to rely on Him daily... sometimes moment by moment. I want to dig deeper into His love for me, I want to grow in my desire to be close to Him, I want Him to be my everything, to be my only desire in my life, the only thing that matters, to serve and please my KING!
I am so broken, sinful, and wounded but I am forever changed by the grace of God!

The End

As I filled up the last page of my prayer journal tonight I began to flip back through the pages. I began writing in this book back in November of 2008. My mind began to replay the events that have taken place in my life since that date. So many ups and downs, lots of decisions made and some very average days too. Full time school to now having a full time job! Singleness, to relationship, to singleness again. Taking care of my mother in the hospital to creating my own life and home away from home. All of this is part of growing up... but it's a huge part of life! I choose to look at it as a learning process. The Lord orchestrating each event and showing me how He plans to use it for His glory. 

I am ending this book and beginning a new book. I am closing a chapter and God is starting to write the next chapter. He is going to show me what's next... I'm SO EXCITED to see where He will lead me next. I never thought in my wildest imagination would I ever experience such incredible, challenging, exciting, restoring and surprising things in my life. But of course, because my God is bigger and able to do far more than anyone can imagine. So BRING IT ON! I'm ready, the Lord is on my side!

Battleground Not a Playground

Understanding satans schemes is very important. We must learn to aware of how satan may be trying to distract us. He could be using everyday things like: worry, self-reliance, anger, bitterness, and our vulnerability. Satan can use those things to attack us a make us believe that our God doesn't have our best interest in mind. They make us question God.

I've been reading The Invisible War by Chip Ingram and WOW! it's given me a new perspective on what the Bible says about the plans of satan and how God uses those to teach us. In the book of Job it talks about how God allowed satan to shake up things in Job's life, but it was still in God's control. He wasn't going to allow satan to destroy him completely. The Lord used all those trials to teach Job. We have to see God's perspective in the midst of our trials, we can't focus on the hurt and pain. God's perspective is for the good to come from it, He desires for us to grow closer to Him through the trials. He desires for us to rely on Him completely. If we aren't prepared for the battle then it's going to be more difficult to see that God is all over it.

How can we be prepared?
Matthew 6:33 says "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."

Seeking the Lord wholeheartedly, completely, with all you have. Making Him your focus everyday, even if that means daily giving up things that hold you back. For me I have to surrender daily, my worries about people I care for deeply. Every morning I have to ask the Lord to take those worries, because if I don't give them up they become my focus. Also being prepared can be as simple as asking our Heavenly Father for the armor to fight this battle. Paul tells us about the armor of God in Ephesians. The Lord is on our side and He freely gives us the tools to fight the battle. Are we going to ask for them and put them to use? With this we can win, we can and will defeat the enemy. Yes Satans power is scary, but God is so much bigger and more capable than the enemy.

So I encourage you to dig deep into God's Word, discover all the He has to offer you. He desires to know you personally and fight this battle with you. No one said it would be easy, but the end reward is so much greater, surrender to letting the Lord be your leader, He knows exactly how to defeat the enemy.

"It is finished!"

I had the great privilage to serve at the Get Real youth conference this weekend. It was a completely new experience to me but I was willing to jump in with all I had. I wanted to just bless others and go wherever they needed me. Little did I know God had something planned for me. It was the smallest, shortest moment, yet it was HUGE!

The speaker began describing Christ's death on the cross. In John 19:30 it reads... "Therefore when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, 'It is finished!' And He bowed His head and gave up His spirit."

Kent, the speaker at the conference, quoted this verse and when he spoke "it is finish!" I heard the voice of the Lord. I could feel it inside me, like I could audibly hear the Lord speaking directly to me. The Lord was telling me... this trial, this situation you've been laboring and toiling with, the past mistakes and sins it's all FINISHED!!! I am no longer to worry about, dwell, labor, or sort through. This chapter of my life is complete, closed and I can move on to start the next chapter. The Lord has said "I will take it, you're finished with it and I want you to give it up to me." In order for me to completely focus on what the Lord has for me next I must let go of it. I am so excited to see where the Lord leads me next and I don't want anything to hold me back.

I'm all yours Lord, take me as I am and use me for your kingdom. May I be your servant and as I surrender to your will may I walk with faith, always relying on you 100%.