To be completely honest I can feel discouragement creeping up on me. The feeling that things aren't going my way and I don't understand why. Wanting to question everything, throw a fit and ask God 'why?'. Maybe this discouragement is trying to over take me because of the Easter season and the changes that I've chosen to make in my life.
Looking back a few months ago I see a huge trial that I was so afraid to face, I looked for any way around it, to not have to go through it. So many difficult situations were being thrown at my face, and everytime I had to question why. Doubt was taking over and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. There wasn't much hope inside me that I would make it out alive. With the encouragement and support of so many wonderful brothers and sisters, and the love of my Heavenly Father I have overcome a huge part of it, I can see the end in sight (it's definitely not over though). But yesterday was one of those days that I began to not see things in God's eyes again. Hopefully today won't be that way.
There are some fears that are lingering in my mind and heart. Fear of how other people see me, those that don't know the details of my trial and don't see the change that the Lord is doing in me. Especially a particular person, how do they see me? Do they talk about me to others? What do they say about me? Good or bad things? Why do they show actions of not caring? I truly just want people to see Christ in me. If I could explain the situation to everyone and they would see God's hand in all of it. I don't want to be stuck in this fear, I am trying to seek after God's approval and how He values me. And His approval is the only one that matters. It's not an easy thing to do.
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